my ______ -eyed girl

I am soooo curious as to what color eyes my little girl is going to have!
They still look blue --- not even the 'slate blue-grey' color that newborns have - they actually look like they may be blue! I knew there was a teeny tiny chance that her eyes could wind up blue (all depends on what eye color genes James has) but I am very curious as to what they will be!

The last couple days have been okay. Charlotte is overall eating well. She is starting to sleep longer between feeds, which is good for her (and for me!), but my milk is filling up really quickly and making me really engorged which in turn makes it very difficult for her to latch on. Thus results in a massive screaming fest. Her cries have gotten so loud at times it is very difficult for me to stay calm. I really try to, but it's difficult to hear my baby girl cry and know that I have what she needs to calm down... yet she won't.

That being said, I've really struggled the last few days as well. I'm not adapting to being a mom as well as I'd like. I love my little girl, but she is definitely a challenge! Her being a difficult breastfeeder makes it very hard. But she is so beautiful and so perfect it's still hard sometimes to go to sleep and not just watch her sweet little self as she sleeps.

I am also starting to get jealous at James's ability to go out and do things whenever vs. my inability to separate from Princess Crabby-pants for more than an hour at a time. Yes, yes, yes ... I have chosen to breastfeed and that is part of the package. I am aware of that. But, it doesn't mean that my tiny little shadow hasn't impacted my freedom. People keep telling me to pump and let James feed her so I can get a bit of a break. While this sounds all fine and dandy ... she is such a difficult latch, I am so afraid if she gets a bottle she won't ever go back to the breast. This girl likes instant gratification, and if she doesn't get it ... she gets mad. If she gets used to that instant gratification via the bottle ... I just don't think she'll go back to having to work for her food. After 6-8 weeks we'll start working on the bottle, just because it will be necessary when I go back to work (boo ... I don't want to go back at all ... but I have to).

I pray for strength every day to get me through this difficult transition in life. I am struggling a lot more than I ever thought that I would.

On a more positive note, my wonderful friend Amy had her baby today --- it's a girl! I am excited that Charlotte will have another little girl playmate right around her same age. It's very fun.