first shot :(

Charlotte had her two month checkup today - which means she got her first shot.

I have been extensively reading up on vaccines lately - not so much that I am against them - I just want to be a well-informed mother, knowing what is being injected into my daughter.

I have decided to do an alternate vaccine schedule - it spaces them out and limits the number that she gets at one time, rather than loading her immune system up with vaccines and their mixing agents (some of which are controversial). I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this, but in the end, I felt more comfortable with it. At the end my daughter will be fully vaccinated, just at (what I feel) is a safer pace. I'm just going with my "mama knows best" instinct that I am learning to listen to.

Some of the vaccines I might decline if this girl wasn't going to be a world traveler. She's at a pretty low risk right now being an exclusively breastfed baby, and won't be going to daycare. But, I want my baby girl to be safe.

I had read that if you breastfeed DURING the shot (and immediately after as well) that it can lessen the amount of pain that they experience. I did nurse her during the shot, but she let go and screamed as soon as she got the shot. Broke my heart, it did. Her face turned bright red for about 10 seconds before she let out a huge scream. But as soon as she calmed down, she latched back on and that was the end of that.

Right now we'll be going every month to get a shot.

Just in case, I picked up some Infant Tylenol in case she has a reaction so we don't have to run out at 3am. I spent 15 minutes deciding on the type of Tylenol to get. I feel like a good mama.

picture frames and lights

I keep forgetting to blog about this!

My What to Expect the First Year book mentions that babies are often taken with everyday objects that most of us would not think twice about. This is soooo true! Charlotte is absolutely transfixed with picture frames and lights, and she has been for weeks! She just stares at them and smiles away. It's ADORABLE!!!

With regard to the picture frames, I'm pretty sure that it's the contrast of the black/brown frame on the light wall that she's enamoured with ... Lights are intriguing for obvious reasons. She also stares at our curtain rail in the bed room, but again, dark curtains against light wall = happiness.

Ah to be such easily amused again.

It's such a joy to see her developing and starting to see her world and all the things in it. I love that girl more and more every day, it's such a wonderful feeling!!! I have never known love like this.

flailing arms and kicking legs

Charlotte is always in such a good mood in the morning! I am sure it is a result of having a good night's sleep, but it's a joy to wake up to such a happy baby. She smiles like crazy, makes happy noises and is just a busy little girl!
James and I love having her lie between us in bed just enjoying our baby girl. It's such a joy to see her grow and transform (she's already changed so much since birth!) and become a little person. The time is flying (as I knew it would), but I am trying to take in every minute!

I got a wonderful video of her this morning of her smiling and making all those happy noises that we'll post on our private website for James' family to enjoy.

I love my little girl!!!!!!

co-sleeping

I never thought I would become an advocate for co-sleeping.
In fact, I was against it due to the SIDS recommendations. Before I had Charlotte, I couldn't imagine people wanting to sleep with their babies. I understood the wanting to be close to the baby, but the risks involved outweighed the benefits in my mind.

Enter Charlotte.

I enjoyed snuggling with her at night even in the hospital after she was born. She slept better and I could tend to her needs a lot easier and be a lot less awake when she was next to me. We attempted side-lying nursing in the hospital but it was impossible.

Roughly two weeks ago I started bring her into bed in the mornings. She would be in her crib, and fussy. Most of the time she had just been fed and changed, so I knew that wasn't the issue. As soon as she was next to me, she snuggled in and fell asleep. She slept soundly, and thus, so did I. I figured out the logistics of side-lying nursing (although two weeks later it's still occasionally a struggle) and a happy pair we were.
James was not. He *still* struggles with the notion that it's dangerous and that it can lead to SIDS. This is understandable and a valid point to address.

I started looking into safe co-sleeping as this was clearly something that is working for us. Little did I know what a benefit it actually has for both the mother and the baby. That if all the safety precautions are met, there is no increased risk for SIDS at all to have the baby sleeping in the bed.

I plan to read up on it a lot more as I am sure I will get some heat if the word gets out about this taking place. I want to be prepared to answer questions. I don't intend on having Charlotte sleep in our bed every night for the whole night ... seeing as I work three nights a week and James is much too heavy a sleeper to have her sleeping just with him right now. As she gets older ... especially when she starts sleeping through the night ... hopefully I can wean down the amount of time she spends in our bed, because I don't want to have to wean her back to a crib.

For the mean time, I LOVE sleeping with my baby girl. It's such a wonderful feeling to have her snuggle in to me and peacefully sleep. I love knowing that it's me she wants and it's me that can calm her. I know the day will come too soon when she no longer wants or needs her mom for that (although I don't think it will ever completely go away ...)

tiny little tears

Seeing a little baby cry real tears is heartbreaking!
My little girl has started crying tears occasionally when she is upset!

She has changed so much in the last few weeks it is so hard to believe! She weighed 9lbs even yesterday - I can't believe how big she is getting!

I am absolutely loving being a mother, but it is definitely exhausting. The last few days especially she has been very good during the day, but has been an absolute screaming mess in the evening. Last night she cried from 7:30 to midnight, to really stop only when feeding ... which she wanted to do constantly. She has started cluster feeding before bed, which despite my best intentions around 8pm ... always winds up between midnight and 1am. It's exhausting and very frustrating. A lot of the time it makes me want to throw in the towel with the breastfeeding (even though we're not having any trouble anymore) because she makes me so sore and it would be nice to have the option of someone else comforting her. I love my baby girl but I hate sometimes that she is so dependent on me. I wouldn't have it any other way though --- I really want to exclusively breastfeed as long as possible. I reckon we'll offer her a bottle of breastmilk soon, but I'm not ready for that just yet!

Other than that things are going relatively well - this girl is definitely giving me a run for my money. During the day she tends to nurse, followed by either a 20-30 minute nap or a 10 minute period of happy play followed by fussing and then crying that almost never calms except with feeding. Occasionally she can be rocked to sleep, but most of the time it's feeding that she wants. It makes it almost impossible to get much done during the day!!!

Fortunately she has started smiling in the last week! (Her first 'official' smile (i.e. smiling back at someone) was October 1st) After her big morning feeding when she is happiest she almost always gives me a big grin. It's absolutely beautiful!
My dad came over this afternoon and she offered him a big smile as soon as he walked through the door.
The best part was seeing her smiling at her daddy the other day and him smiling back. One of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. It was priceless.