Charlotte's birth story

I have to sit down and type this before I forget to...
(written on October 6th, dated back to August 27th)

August 26th was my due date per the doctor ... I had always adjusted it to August 28th since I knew when I ovulated. I had a doctor's appointment on August 26th. My doctor knew I had wanted to try a natural childbirth but had kinda been on me to decide on an induction date if I didn't go into labor on my own. She had been getting concerned that the baby was getting big, plus after my second cervical check at 37 weeks ... I never dilated past one.

So, at my late afternoon appointment on my due date, she again was asking what the plan was. I convinced her to let me try to go into labor on my own and scheduled another appointment five days later. I had intended to have her strip my membranes to try and get me to go into labor on my own. She did, but didn't ask me about it ahead of time which had me a little irked that I wasn't asked about it.

That was about 5pm.
I started feeling an increase in contractions almost instantly. By 5:30 they were definitely increasing.
7:30pm I started paying more attention to them as they were definitely increasing in intensity and were coming closer together.
9:30pm I started counting them and they were pretty consistently coming every five minutes or so and lasting from 30 seconds to 1+ minutes.
11pm I called the doctor to ask what the criteria were for me to actually go to the hospital. I did NOT want to have to make a middle of the night journey to L&D just to be sent home. She told me to wait until I couldn't talk through the contractions anymore.
1am I decided we needed to go ahead and go to the hospital. I couldn't talk through them anymore and I had to concentrate pretty heavily on my breathing.
1:45am We left for the hospital after James called his Mum to give her a heads up.
2:30am We arrived at the hospital.
Around 3am I was hooked up to a monitor and checked my cervix. 1 centimeter. After all that contracting ... no cervical change. I was exasperated. I was so tired at that point and just knew that a long day was ahead of us. Nevermind the overwhelming increase in contractions that occured with every cervical check. Holy moly was that PAINFUL!!!
An hour later (4am) I was still 1cm. I cried. Labor was getting more and more painful. They wouldn't admit me to the L&D unit because I wasn't dilating but I was exhausted and in a lot of pain. I asked for pain medication, which I was immediately denied since I wasn't admitted. I was hungry but they wouldn't let me eat. I opted to go in the jacuzzi tub to try and relax.
I was in there for about 20 minutes when I had a panic attack (I think the water was too hot) and had to get out.
5am ... still 1cm. They gave us the option to go home and come back, but James was too exhausted to drive. They said we could stay until the doctors did rounds at 7:30am. We opted for that.
From then on I slept between contractions when I could, and James curled up on a couple chairs.

8:30am my doctor came and checked me, and lo and behold ... 2cm!!! She said she was admitting me and going to break my water to try and get my labor to progress. At that point I was so exhausted I didn't care. I hadn't intended to get an epidural but it was looking more and more appealing at that point. I was in so much pain, and I was only 2cm dilated. I couldn't believe I had been in labor for 15 hours and had only dilated 1cm.

Unfortunately after I was admitted, I asked for some pain medication and my nurse went off to get it. An hour later, she wasn't back. I had heard over the loudspeakers that there was an emergency on the unit (which I understand completely) but I was in so much pain I just cried between my contractions it hurt so bad. I finally called for the nurse. The unit director came in, checked me, noted I didn't even have an IV yet, and all of a sudden things happened. A nurse came in and put my IV in with the help of my doctor (which I've never seen). I quickly had pain medication and IV fluids going (I was so dehydrated at this point). The Stadol really helped my pain quickly ... it made the contractions manageable at least.
9:45am she broke my water. That was a weird sensation too -- a big gush of warm fluid. I said "So that is what that feels like!" I was a little uneasy about this because I didn't want to have the time restriction on my labor once my water was broken. She said she was pretty certain I would deliver with no problem. The contractions were very intense after that. I agreed to an epidural at that point. I needed some relief. I had to rest. I had been awake for 26 hours at that point and still had to continue to labor and push a baby out.
10:30 I got my epidural and within 10 minutes I had relief. I didn't feel the contractions at all. I turned onto my side to get some rest.
11:30 My doctor came in and said the monitor wasn't picking my contractions very well (not surprising since I was on my side) and she was going to put in a IUPC (intrauterine pressure catheter) to measure the contractions internally. My cervix was 3-4cm when she put that in. I was finally relieved that I was dilating. They also started pitocin to get my labor going because with the epidural going the contractions had slowed a bit. I didn't care at that point. I wanted the baby out. Funniest thing happened then --- I put my hand down on what felt like bread dough - it was my leg! It was the weirdest feeling to not be able to feel myself touching my own leg!
1:30pm I started feeling more pressure and my nurse checked me. 6cm. Wahoo! The baby was also at -1 station (had previously been at -2) so the baby was coming down. I started feeling more pain on my left side so the anesthesiologist came in to adjust the position of the epidural catheter.
2:40pm I was feeling a LOT more pressure so she checked me again. 9cm! She said I only had a 'lip' of cervix on one side. And the baby was at 0 station. Not long now!!!! Another adjustment on the epidural because I was feeling a big spot of pain on my left side.
3:30pm More more more pressure. 10cm. I was ready to start pushing! The room was set up for delivery.
4pm I started pushing.
I pushed for a looooong time. James had to hold my right leg because I couldn't feel it at all. They had to give me several more boluses through my epidural because the bag of medication wore off and I was in a lot of pain. Towards the end I was crying out between contractions because the 'hot spot' (as they called it) of pain on my left side hurt worse than anything else. I was so exhausted, I could barely muster the strength to push. I requested to rest between a contraction or two, but I couldn't. When those contractions came, the urge to push was overwhelming. It was instinctual. I had to do it. And it felt so good to push. At the end my epidural had pretty well worn off (I didn't have any pain relief anyway), so I got my wish for 'natural'-ish childbirth anyway.
I pushed about three times with each contraction. I was so physically exhausted that I was wishing they would just vacuum the baby out. I didn't want to do the work anymore.
I had a mirror on the ceiling to watch my labor progress. That was one of the best things I could have done because it showed me how I was progressing. I could see the fruit of my labor (no pun intended). The baby was coming. I was so anxious to see my baby and to find out what that little Sprout was! Boy or girl?!?!?!
At one point when the baby was crowning, I reached down to touch the head. Some might find that weird, but I wanted to feel it for myself. This little person that was still inside me.
5:35 after one push James told me to open my eyes. The head was out! He tells me that the baby cried as soon as the head was out but I don't remember that part. I didn't even have to push the rest of the baby out ... it just slid out! And, I saw in the mirror ... it's a girl!

They put her right onto my belly and instinctively I started rubbing her dry (that I think is more a habit from work). James cut the cord. She was absolutely beautiful and alert!!!
They took her to dry while I got stitched up (I barely tore at all!). As soon as she was able to, James brought her over to me and I got to see my beautiful baby girl. We decided on a name so that phone calls could be made to the waiting Brits who were burning the midnight oil at that point. Charlotte Elizabeth.

She was 7lb 13oz and 21.75 inches of perfection.

My mother-in-law had given us a book on how to interact with babies as soon as they are born (who knew you could?!) As soon as I got a chance to hold her for an extended period of time, I stuck my tongue out at her ... and lo and behold she imitated me! It was amazing that such a new person had that ability! I also opened my mouth wide and little miss imitated that too!

I was soooo shocked that I had a baby girl (I was convinced it was a boy!), but I was so happy to have a beautiful, healthy baby!!!

forty weeks

It's finally here.
I'm not expecting to have the baby today because today is just a square on the calendar that marks an approximate date for which the baby is considered to be "due". Fewer than 5% of women have their babies on their "due date" and I am not expecting to be one of them.

But... today is a milestone.

I look back to where I was forty weeks ago.
Anxious.
Apprehensive.
Unsure of what was in store for me ahead.

Did I think I'd be sitting here 40 weeks later about to give birth?
Absolutely not.
But I wouldn't change it for the world.

realization

Okay, so this may sound completely insane, considering my due date is in two days...

I was sitting in my recliner watching TV with my hubby, knitting a hat for Sprout and glanced down at my wiggly belly and it hit me. There is actually a baby in there. I could almost see the outline of the little person in there and I just burst into tears.

My dream of being a mother is really happening. I look back at my notes from 9-10 months ago with the question lingering of whether or not this moment would ever happen, and I just can't believe it's actually here.

I am so anxious to meet this baby!
It's just around the corner and the anticipation grows more with every passing hour...

Real vs. False

My uterus is confusing.

I have off-and-on had contractions that have increased for the last few days and every time I think it's something to start paying more attention to - they taper off or stop completely. While I understand that this is vital for my body to prepare itself for true labor, it's very exhausting. I don't know what to expect when labor truly begins and that's kinda frightening in a way. I am continually reading about labor and the signs/symptoms of it, and how to get through it as best possible, but the thought if actually arriving scares me. I think just not knowing what to expect is more frightening than anything.

Will it be long? Short?
Will Sprout decide to come on his/her own or will I have to be induced?
Will I be able to do it on my own or will it be more than I can handle?
When is it finally going to come?
Is this baby going to be huge? Just right?
Am I going to be able to push it out or will I have to have a c-section?
Will the baby tolerate it okay?
Will I tolerate it okay?

So much unknown to focus on right now - given that I am now just sitting and waiting.
Sitting.
Waiting.
Contracting.

a short note to Sprout

Dear little Sprout,
If you are uncomfortable over the fact that you do not have any more room to move, please exit your current home rather than kick me repeatedly in the ribs!
Love,
Mommy

Still one.

My doctor's visit this last week didn't yield any different result than the week before other than I can now call myself an official member of the 38-week club. My doctor almost looked at me apologetically after she checked me and determined that I was no closer to delivering (cervical change wise...time wise I am obviously closer) than the week before. *sigh*

Back home to anxiously awaiting for Sprout's arrival.

You know what though, maybe this is a good thing. Mentally I am so ready to have this baby here. I want to hold it. Smell its head (if you've ever smelled a baby's head you know what I'm talking about). Snuggle it. Look in awe at this thing that I helped create.

I am so glad this pregnancy fell at this point in my life. I would be so incredibly jealous at all the new babies I know that have been born lately --- especially my niece. I've seen her so many times since she is born and when I hold her, all I think of is: "I want one." When I vocalize this, I am reminded by anyone in the room, "You're having one, and soon."

That reality hasn't 100% sunk in. I mentally had chalked up months and years worth of trying for this little one, so much that it still hasn't sunk in that this has all happened so wonderfully fast. I truly am having one of those.

It's so overwhelming to think of the amount of love I have for this little person squirming away inside me, and I haven't met him/her face-to-face yet.

Until then, I'll just keep waiting until I feel like I'm about to burst (no pun intended) with the overwhelming desire to hold my precious little Sprout and finally tell him/her how much I love them. (cue the teardrops)

Sprout, Sprout, wiggle about

Several months ago, my darling husband created his own lyrics with regard to our little one to the Tears for Fears song "Shout, Shout, let it all out"

The first version consisted only of: "Sprout, Sprout, wiggle about"

A couple months later it got a makeover: "Sprout, Sprout, don't you come out. Stay in your mom where you wiggle about."

Since I hit "full term" it has changed again: "Sprout, Sprout, you can come out. Until then keep wiggling about."

*************
As I near the end of this pregnancy, many friends who have kids continue to tell me: Even though you're almost finished and miserable, enjoy being pregnant, because you will miss it.

To be honest, I wouldn't necessarily call myself miserable (yet). Other than having issues moving around well, I really haven't had too many complaints this third trimester ...other than the horrendous ligament pain that comes and goes and the occasional David Beckham-style kicks to my ribs or headbutts to my cervix (ouch!).

I have overall enjoyed being pregnant, although there are parts of it I definitely won't miss. I more feel blessed that I was given this opportunity to bring this baby into the world, considering we weren't even certain that we were going to be able to.

Every time I feel Sprout "wiggling about" I try to stop and focus on how that feels because while I am so looking forward to holding this child we created, I do know that I will miss feeling it moving around inside. Feeling him/her moving around is such a strange feeling to try and explain, but it's very calming in a way. Regardless of how many jabs, punches and headbutts I get - even the ones that hurt so badly I fly out of my chair - they make me smile because with each one I imagine with it the message, "Hey mom, I'm still here, and I'm okay!"

As Sprout has gotten bigger in the last couple weeks, and run out of room to move around, the movement has definitely slowed down. In addition, Sprout has definitely taken to having some wake/sleep cycles. Good for extra-uterine life, bad for a worried mother who freaks when she doesn't feel her little one moving for what seems like hours at a time. Just when I start getting overly concerned, Sprout gives me what sometimes is just a reassuring little wiggle. It's enough to calm me down.

I am hoping Sprout at least holds off until after tomorrow evening, as I am having some maternity pictures taken that I am quite looking forward to! I don't imagine he/she will make her grand entrance that early (after all, it is MY child ... ), but then again, you never can be too sure.

Sprout, Sprout, you can come out.
Until then, keep wiggling about.

Your mommy likes it. And she knows she will miss it.

my child without a gender

As the birth of this child draws closer, more and more people continue to ask, "Do you have any feelings about what it is?"

To be honest...I really don't.

I have had dreams that it is a boy. I have had dreams that it is a girl. I joke that because I've been knitting a large pink blanket (which was originally for a friend of mine, but I am now hanging onto it in case Sprout is a girl --- which I think is fair, I've been working on the blanket for two months now!), and because I've been knitting a pink one ... that Sprout will come out a boy. But, since I have so many boy clothes, maybe it means Sprout will be a girl. Or, because my husband wants a boy so badly, it will be a girl. Or, because everyone seems to think it's a boy, that it will be a girl.

Me? I have no idea what this child is.
And to be honest, I have gotten so used to not assigning a gender to this child in my mind (I don't want to be set on one in my head and then have it come out another - one of the reasons I never wanted to know before the birth in the first place).
This child is just a soon-to-be born baby that does not have a gender in my mind. It is not a boy or a girl. It is a new life that God has blessed me with bringing into this world. I have a hard time actually thinking that this new person will actually BE a boy or a girl.

Ha - don't get me wrong I know that the child will actually have a gender, but it's just hard for me to break my gender-neutral mindset. I know as soon as this little one is born that all those thoughts will go out the window as well, but for now, I am having a hard time imagining.

I am so looking forward to holding this little Sprout in my arms. It will be so soon now, the anticipation is overwhelming.

one

I hit 37 weeks on Wednesday which means that Sprout is now full term! (imagine me doing a tiny happy dance)

I can't tell you how much of a relief that is - knowing that this baby is now officially ready for the outside world. A few weeks of growth will still do Sprout some good (although I'm not sure how much more painful it will make birthing this child...), but if Sprout decides that today is the day... Hakuna Matata.

On Wednesday I found out a friend of mine was being induced that day - third friend I've had give birth in a week (congrats Rachel, Trisha & AnnaLisa!!!) (I know a fourth who is currently in labor). I had a few pangs of jealousy that all these babies are coming because I am so anxious and excited to meet this little one!!!

Trotted off to work that night like it was no big deal --- other than my ever-growing cankles I've been feeling pretty decent lately. Was on my feet for about a half an hour and then they started. The contractions. At first I just felt a few (which is common because I've been contracting off and on for a few weeks --- nothing regular since my bout with preterm labour three weeks ago, but enough to cause me some pretty significant discomfort at times).

After about an hour of being on my feet while working the contractions started feeling more regular and definitely stronger and getting quite painful. Decided I needed to rest for a bit and start counting them to see if it was anything to be concerned over. After sitting for about an hour and counting the ever increasing intensity of the contractions which were coming about every four minutes --- I was left wondering ... is this it? It's too bad I couldn't have some magical sense of whether or not I was dilating.

After about another half hour of walking around and the contractions being so strong I had to stop what I was doing and breathe through them ... I had to leave. I wasn't sure if I should go straight to the hospital to be checked or head home and try to wait and see if things got worse. I preferred the latter because I wanted James to be with me. I also didn't want to head all the way to the hospital just to be sent back home. So... I called my doc to ask what I should do. Thank goodness it was my doc on call that night because she has this magical way of calming me down when I'm freaking out. She told me to go home, take a hot bath, and wait and see if things got better or worse.

The contractions calmed down on the ride home (I am still convinced it was the plinking sounds of the Coldplay Lullaby CD that did it, but James rolls his eyes when I say that).

I got into the bath as soon as I got home, and while I was still having some pretty painful ones, they did slow down quite a bit. Went to bed, thinking: "if it's real labor, I won't be able to sleep or they'll wake me up." I did manage to sleep off and on for 8 hours, so I assume they were just lovely Braxton Hicks and it was the second of what I hope are not many false alarms.

Had a doctor's appointment yesterday and I was really hoping that she was going to check me and see if I was dilating yet. I hoped all those contractions were for something!!! And...she tells me I'm dilated to one. O-N-E. One is better than zero for sure. But I was almost disappointed it was only one. I still have three weeks 'til my due date so I know I'm being more optimistic than I should be --- given that a lot of first time moms go past their due dates. Of course they say that most people don't know exactly when they got pregnant so their due date is a bit of an estimate, but most people aren't as anal as I am and plan these things to a T. (Although in this case I don't think I expected my planning to work out quite as well the first time out)

So... I am sitting and waiting. Still expecting to go back to work next week, although I am going to take my doc's advice and try to not work three shifts in a row. I have a wonderful coworker that offered to work one of my shifts for me, I just have to call and make sure my manager is okay with it (I'm sure she will be).

So... I am sitting and waiting and trying to not nest too much since I know I need to rest... given that childbirth is just around the corner. Although it may not be for a few weeks yet.

I want to hold my baby.