We actually coined the nickname Sproutzilla the first night that we were home from the hospital ... Charlotte was getting so crazy when I was trying to latch her on and she was licking everywhere, we just started calling her Sproutzilla.
This little girl has been one crazy woman the last couple days. She has been more 'snacking' than eating --- latching on and sucking the fast flowing milk out for about 7-8 minutes and then passes out. Any subsequent attempts to latch her back on if she is not interested result in her bucking off of me frantically --- quite often pulling my nipple out about 2 inches before letting go ... often resulting in me crying out. It's not been a fun couple of days. James is getting a lot of practice calming her down - which he seems to be better at than me anyway. I don't know if I just get really frustrated with her or what, but I often have a very difficult time calming her down.
Overall nursing is getting a lot better. I haven't had to use the shells or the shields for several days now. I am finally starting to experience what 'let down' feels like. Often when she's nursing or about to nurse, I feel a pins-and-needles sensation. Apparently it's quite common but it's definitely an interesting sensation.
Still dealing with a nasty diaper rash. I am hoping that the cloth diapers themselves are not the culprit. I am going to try stripping the diapers with the next wash (which is tomorrow) to see if that helps. Otherwise I am not sure what we're going to do.
On a fun note - this girl is getting super alert at times and is such a joy to watch interact with the world and especially her daddy. He is such a good father and I just smile thinking about the two of them gazing at each other. I only wish he would take more time to spend with her and pay a little less attention to the laptop. He's not too bad ... I just know Charlotte is going to grow up too quickly and we're going to miss these days. I did get a really cute video of the two of them earlier. It's quite precious.
I had to get this written before bed. I am watching my precious girl 'ghost sucking' in her sleep. No binky in the mouth. It's adorable.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Ashley the milk maid
Charlotte hasn't nursed great today and this evening I was trying to wait and let her empty my milk out because I've felt so incredibly full. I got to the point where I was just about to burst, and decided since she could technically go another hour before eating that I needed to go ahead a pump.
I pumped 2.5 oz. from one side in 10 minutes and 1.5 oz from the other side in 4 minutes. Holy moly do I feel better! Doesn't feel like I have rocks in my bra anymore! Maybe she will nurse better this next feeding since I'm emptier.
I pumped 2.5 oz. from one side in 10 minutes and 1.5 oz from the other side in 4 minutes. Holy moly do I feel better! Doesn't feel like I have rocks in my bra anymore! Maybe she will nurse better this next feeding since I'm emptier.
my ______ -eyed girl
I am soooo curious as to what color eyes my little girl is going to have!
They still look blue --- not even the 'slate blue-grey' color that newborns have - they actually look like they may be blue! I knew there was a teeny tiny chance that her eyes could wind up blue (all depends on what eye color genes James has) but I am very curious as to what they will be!
The last couple days have been okay. Charlotte is overall eating well. She is starting to sleep longer between feeds, which is good for her (and for me!), but my milk is filling up really quickly and making me really engorged which in turn makes it very difficult for her to latch on. Thus results in a massive screaming fest. Her cries have gotten so loud at times it is very difficult for me to stay calm. I really try to, but it's difficult to hear my baby girl cry and know that I have what she needs to calm down... yet she won't.
That being said, I've really struggled the last few days as well. I'm not adapting to being a mom as well as I'd like. I love my little girl, but she is definitely a challenge! Her being a difficult breastfeeder makes it very hard. But she is so beautiful and so perfect it's still hard sometimes to go to sleep and not just watch her sweet little self as she sleeps.
I am also starting to get jealous at James's ability to go out and do things whenever vs. my inability to separate from Princess Crabby-pants for more than an hour at a time. Yes, yes, yes ... I have chosen to breastfeed and that is part of the package. I am aware of that. But, it doesn't mean that my tiny little shadow hasn't impacted my freedom. People keep telling me to pump and let James feed her so I can get a bit of a break. While this sounds all fine and dandy ... she is such a difficult latch, I am so afraid if she gets a bottle she won't ever go back to the breast. This girl likes instant gratification, and if she doesn't get it ... she gets mad. If she gets used to that instant gratification via the bottle ... I just don't think she'll go back to having to work for her food. After 6-8 weeks we'll start working on the bottle, just because it will be necessary when I go back to work (boo ... I don't want to go back at all ... but I have to).
I pray for strength every day to get me through this difficult transition in life. I am struggling a lot more than I ever thought that I would.
On a more positive note, my wonderful friend Amy had her baby today --- it's a girl! I am excited that Charlotte will have another little girl playmate right around her same age. It's very fun.
They still look blue --- not even the 'slate blue-grey' color that newborns have - they actually look like they may be blue! I knew there was a teeny tiny chance that her eyes could wind up blue (all depends on what eye color genes James has) but I am very curious as to what they will be!
The last couple days have been okay. Charlotte is overall eating well. She is starting to sleep longer between feeds, which is good for her (and for me!), but my milk is filling up really quickly and making me really engorged which in turn makes it very difficult for her to latch on. Thus results in a massive screaming fest. Her cries have gotten so loud at times it is very difficult for me to stay calm. I really try to, but it's difficult to hear my baby girl cry and know that I have what she needs to calm down... yet she won't.
That being said, I've really struggled the last few days as well. I'm not adapting to being a mom as well as I'd like. I love my little girl, but she is definitely a challenge! Her being a difficult breastfeeder makes it very hard. But she is so beautiful and so perfect it's still hard sometimes to go to sleep and not just watch her sweet little self as she sleeps.
I am also starting to get jealous at James's ability to go out and do things whenever vs. my inability to separate from Princess Crabby-pants for more than an hour at a time. Yes, yes, yes ... I have chosen to breastfeed and that is part of the package. I am aware of that. But, it doesn't mean that my tiny little shadow hasn't impacted my freedom. People keep telling me to pump and let James feed her so I can get a bit of a break. While this sounds all fine and dandy ... she is such a difficult latch, I am so afraid if she gets a bottle she won't ever go back to the breast. This girl likes instant gratification, and if she doesn't get it ... she gets mad. If she gets used to that instant gratification via the bottle ... I just don't think she'll go back to having to work for her food. After 6-8 weeks we'll start working on the bottle, just because it will be necessary when I go back to work (boo ... I don't want to go back at all ... but I have to).
I pray for strength every day to get me through this difficult transition in life. I am struggling a lot more than I ever thought that I would.
On a more positive note, my wonderful friend Amy had her baby today --- it's a girl! I am excited that Charlotte will have another little girl playmate right around her same age. It's very fun.
Monday, September 7, 2009
brooding
This blog is one big b****fest, so skip over it if you actually have a response other than a hug and a closed mouth.
I am officially irritated.
I haven't been able to take a nap in days. My father-in-law and sister-in-law are coming into town tomorrow and my apartment is a disaster. While I am sure they don't expect it to be immaculate - it is a pit. I haven't had time to do any heavy cleaning in weeks (since I couldn't do any while hugely preggo), and Charlotte won't let me off milk-making duty for more than an hour to hour-and-a-half during the daytime.
That being said, I am getting boooored of sitting around for 30-45 minutes every couple of hours when she's nursing. I really want to spend that time with her, but if I'm not engaging my brain, I'm falling asleep with her at the breast because I'm so exhausted. I've been extremely irritated with her lately because of my exhaustion as well. I am also extremely jealous of James who gets to spend good chunks of his afternoon watching TV programs while I get to breastfeed. I haven't done anything for ME since before Charlotte was born. No knitting, no anything. I am merely sitting down for five minutes a night to blog because I know I will regret it if I don't.
I have a huge list of stuff I want to get at Babies R Us - most of it is necessity, part of it want, and part of me just wants to do a bit of shopping to feel like I have some ounce of normality left in my world. We went tonight --- and arrived just as it was closing. I just wanted to cry. However, with the level of exhaustion I have landed on - I just about snapped. My poor husband is taking the brunt of my irritation right now, although I could use a bit more help from all ends. He is doing plenty --- I just need him to do more. I need help and I am horrible at asking for it -and don't really have anyone that I CAN ask.
So ... to my own detriment ... I continue with the exhaustion with the hope that maybe, MAYBE by the time my 12 weeks off work is up --- my apartment might look respectable. I am so tired I don't have an appetite and I keep forgetting to eat. I know I need to eat for my little girl's sake, but I forget to eat. James and I have a very bad habit of not eating together --- he makes food when he's hungry, and I am responsible for my own meals. That being said --- with that pattern, if I don't get hungry ... I forget to eat.
I need a vacation. Somewhere that I don't have to clean. At all. Just me, my hubby, my baby girl and a waitstaff. I thought family was supposed to help with this, but I guess I was terribly wrong.
I am officially irritated.
I haven't been able to take a nap in days. My father-in-law and sister-in-law are coming into town tomorrow and my apartment is a disaster. While I am sure they don't expect it to be immaculate - it is a pit. I haven't had time to do any heavy cleaning in weeks (since I couldn't do any while hugely preggo), and Charlotte won't let me off milk-making duty for more than an hour to hour-and-a-half during the daytime.
That being said, I am getting boooored of sitting around for 30-45 minutes every couple of hours when she's nursing. I really want to spend that time with her, but if I'm not engaging my brain, I'm falling asleep with her at the breast because I'm so exhausted. I've been extremely irritated with her lately because of my exhaustion as well. I am also extremely jealous of James who gets to spend good chunks of his afternoon watching TV programs while I get to breastfeed. I haven't done anything for ME since before Charlotte was born. No knitting, no anything. I am merely sitting down for five minutes a night to blog because I know I will regret it if I don't.
I have a huge list of stuff I want to get at Babies R Us - most of it is necessity, part of it want, and part of me just wants to do a bit of shopping to feel like I have some ounce of normality left in my world. We went tonight --- and arrived just as it was closing. I just wanted to cry. However, with the level of exhaustion I have landed on - I just about snapped. My poor husband is taking the brunt of my irritation right now, although I could use a bit more help from all ends. He is doing plenty --- I just need him to do more. I need help and I am horrible at asking for it -and don't really have anyone that I CAN ask.
So ... to my own detriment ... I continue with the exhaustion with the hope that maybe, MAYBE by the time my 12 weeks off work is up --- my apartment might look respectable. I am so tired I don't have an appetite and I keep forgetting to eat. I know I need to eat for my little girl's sake, but I forget to eat. James and I have a very bad habit of not eating together --- he makes food when he's hungry, and I am responsible for my own meals. That being said --- with that pattern, if I don't get hungry ... I forget to eat.
I need a vacation. Somewhere that I don't have to clean. At all. Just me, my hubby, my baby girl and a waitstaff. I thought family was supposed to help with this, but I guess I was terribly wrong.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
6 hours
Charlotte just slept for 6 hours straight!
I had to check on her several times to make sure she was okay! She has never slept that hard or quietly so it was a bit of a shock!!!
I also woke up with a HUGE leak on my right side! The bed was soaked underneath me, as well as my freshly clean nursing bra. *sigh* Guess that is a sign I need to get more bras.
I am trying to determine whether on-demand or on-a-schedule feeding is going to be best for us. I can see the pros and cons to both. I don't want my baby girl to be hungry, but feeding on more of a schedule will definitely be more structured (which I like). I think I'll talk to the LC (lactation consultant) on Monday and see what she says.
I had to check on her several times to make sure she was okay! She has never slept that hard or quietly so it was a bit of a shock!!!
I also woke up with a HUGE leak on my right side! The bed was soaked underneath me, as well as my freshly clean nursing bra. *sigh* Guess that is a sign I need to get more bras.
I am trying to determine whether on-demand or on-a-schedule feeding is going to be best for us. I can see the pros and cons to both. I don't want my baby girl to be hungry, but feeding on more of a schedule will definitely be more structured (which I like). I think I'll talk to the LC (lactation consultant) on Monday and see what she says.
square peg, round hole
Today was pretty much the same as the last few ...
Breastfeeding continues to be a challenge. Charlotte is getting more difficult to latch on as she is getting more frustrated with the fact that my anatomy is just not compatible with her mouth. I've had to resort back to using the nipple shield some (which makes me sad, because I really don't want her to become dependent on it) when she gets really belligerent and refuses to latch.
I hope that over the next few weeks things become a bit easier (I am certain that they will) as she gets more coordinated and I get a bit less upset when she begins screaming and I can't calm her down. It's still incredibly upsetting to know that I can't calm my baby girl down.
On a positive note, we finally switched over to cloth diapers today. I wanted to wait until her poop switched over completely to regular breastfed baby poop with no hint of meconium... last thing I need is to ruin my brand new diapers! I'm not yet switching over to the cloth wipes ... I figure do one thing at a time to make it a bit easier. James and I watched a video about prefolds and the different ways to use them. We attempted for a good 20 minutes to try and get one on Charlotte, but we had several issues with gaps and whatnot. She was very cooperative during our attempt but eventually got impatient with us (more with the fact that she was not eating!) and we used a fitted diaper instead. We'll attempt the prefolds again tomorrow when we're a bit less tired.
Breastfeeding continues to be a challenge. Charlotte is getting more difficult to latch on as she is getting more frustrated with the fact that my anatomy is just not compatible with her mouth. I've had to resort back to using the nipple shield some (which makes me sad, because I really don't want her to become dependent on it) when she gets really belligerent and refuses to latch.
I hope that over the next few weeks things become a bit easier (I am certain that they will) as she gets more coordinated and I get a bit less upset when she begins screaming and I can't calm her down. It's still incredibly upsetting to know that I can't calm my baby girl down.
On a positive note, we finally switched over to cloth diapers today. I wanted to wait until her poop switched over completely to regular breastfed baby poop with no hint of meconium... last thing I need is to ruin my brand new diapers! I'm not yet switching over to the cloth wipes ... I figure do one thing at a time to make it a bit easier. James and I watched a video about prefolds and the different ways to use them. We attempted for a good 20 minutes to try and get one on Charlotte, but we had several issues with gaps and whatnot. She was very cooperative during our attempt but eventually got impatient with us (more with the fact that she was not eating!) and we used a fitted diaper instead. We'll attempt the prefolds again tomorrow when we're a bit less tired.
Friday, September 4, 2009
regret
I need to sit down and do this at least once a day. I have so many emotions about what is happening right now, I am afraid it is all going to get lost in the shuffle. I need to make time to sit down and do this ... so I am.
Right now I am pretty content with the way things are going. Breastfeeding is definitely going better, although it is still a pretty big struggle at times. I definitely feel more independent, which almost makes me sad in a way since James can't be as involved as he was. I was kind of enjoying him being part of the process rather than a bystander.
I can't believe how much my little girl has already changed. I look back at pictures of her from a week ago and she looks like a completely different baby. I am enjoying her so much, it makes me sad that she's going to get big sooooo quickly. I know she will be a lot more fun once we can interact with her more, but I am enjoying her being this small ... and I know it won't last. I selfishly wish she could stay this small forever.
Right now I am pretty content with the way things are going. Breastfeeding is definitely going better, although it is still a pretty big struggle at times. I definitely feel more independent, which almost makes me sad in a way since James can't be as involved as he was. I was kind of enjoying him being part of the process rather than a bystander.
I can't believe how much my little girl has already changed. I look back at pictures of her from a week ago and she looks like a completely different baby. I am enjoying her so much, it makes me sad that she's going to get big sooooo quickly. I know she will be a lot more fun once we can interact with her more, but I am enjoying her being this small ... and I know it won't last. I selfishly wish she could stay this small forever.
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