Hopeful

In the last 72 hours, I have learned that not only is my little brother going to be a father again (number 2 for them), but that one of my friends is going to have her fourth baby. I can't tell you how happy I am for the both of them - but also a tad jealous.

Both of these were unplanned (not unwanted). I can't help but be jealous - since right now I want more than anything to have the opportunity to be a mother. And, I am still not sure if I am going to be able to achieve that dream. I have completely moved from super pessimistic about my ability to procreate to potentially entirely too optimistic. I have everything crossed right now that the planets will line up, and I will have good news in a couple weeks.

Despite me convincing myself that no one would find out for eight weeks (to reduce the possibility of the heartache of telling people I've miscarried), I have selfishly informed enough people that we're trying - so much that I now have a short list of people to tell whether or not Aunt Flo arrives in two weeks.

It's hard to not get optimistic about this possibility - and my husband constantly depresses me with bringing me back to the reality that in all likelihood - I am NOT pregnant. In my optimistic stupor, however - I continue to be hopeful that in two weeks I will be able to report good news. Otherwise, I will probably cry myself into another fetal position due to my overwhelming ability to get my hopes up too high.

I guess we'll see.